Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
