and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
