im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
