Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
