Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
