You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
