By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
