Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
