you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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