sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She bit a glass in half.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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