tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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