I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
