Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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