I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
