Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
