can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
