I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
