dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
