was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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