Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
