listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
