I heard we made out
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
