She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
