she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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