All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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