just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
