but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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