shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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