I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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