It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
being pregnant is like rehab
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
