I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
