i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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