I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
