Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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