im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
