So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
