I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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