i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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