I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
