i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
