your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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