So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
