just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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