I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
