somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i think my tv is drunk
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
