you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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