I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
