FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
