Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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