he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
