went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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