remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
