you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
