oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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