tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
