i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
